Once Upon A Time....

There was a girl who came back to blogging.
It was such a joyous occasion that all in blogland welcomed her with open arms!
Then, all was right in the world again.

I know-lame intro, but I had to get your attention somehow.
I know that I have not blogged in almost a month.
I am pretty sure that is the longest I have ever gone.
I am such a slacker.
I don't even have any pictures to post.
How lame is that?
I am hoping that you will all forgive me and still love me!

I have really thought about this post.
Wondering whether or not to say anything.
I have asked others opinions-and I have just done nothing until now.
I was talking to a friend last night who said that she loved my blog and she was missing me.
(Holla Kelly)
Really? There are people who read my blog that I don't know about.
HMMMMMM........that got me thinking.

So-here goes.
I ask that you not judge me.
Or, if you do, don't do it in my comments.
I am doing this in hopes that I can maybe help someone else, and me along the way.

As you all know, I was suffering from headaches for over 3 months.
I had every test done.
I did everything they told me to do.
The only thing that I knew for sure was that I was miserable, and in turn was making my family miserable.
My poor husband-he was dealing with his Dad and me.
Well, I got into to see one of the top headache specialists in the state.
It was truly a miracle that this even came to pass.
They did all kinds of tests. I was there for over 4 hours!!!!
What did they find?"
Nothing!
Not a FREAKING THING!!
I was so frustrated!

They did tell me a couple of things that I needed to do.
First-they were going to put me on this medicine that was supposed to help.
The main thing-I needed to get off my pain meds.
Now, I must explain something right now.
I have a family Dr. I love him, I trust him and he was the one who was giving me the meds.
I did NOT go to lots of Dr's-just the same one.
I was on a pain med called Dilaudid.
I was given this the first part of November.
So-when they told me that I needed to go off the meds-I had been on Dilaudid for over 2 months and taking about 45 mg. a day.
Now, most people have never even heard of this drug. I had not.
Well, when they told me that I needed to go off this-we did some research.
Dialudid is 5x more potent than morphine.
It is super addictive and there are major withdrawl symptoms.
I went off this drug cold turkey.
I didn't have a choice.
So-on New Years Eve-I started what I refer to as my own personal hell.

I know what lots of you must be thinking. I know that I thought it as well.
So did my family.
You are a drug addict.
Well, I was.
Not by choice. But now, I was the one who was left to deal with the consequences.
When you take this drug-it takes 7 to 10 days to go through all of the withdrawl symptoms.
Most people do this gradually-and when you go off the med slowly-there are practically no problems.
Well-why didn't I do that?
My Dr. was out of town.
I didn't have a choice.
I would have chose to do it any other way than the way I did it.

Day 1-It was like a bad day of the flu.
Chills, fever, aches, that run over by a truck feeling.
All I wanted to do was sleep. I couldn't go to sleep. My body wouldn't let me.
I felt trapped. There were times when I couldn't breathe, and lots of times when all I wanted to do was die.
Day two was worse-day three was HELL!
I was throwing up, running to the bathroom every 10 mins. I would just lay on the floor and cry and pray for it to be all over.
It wasn't. Not even close.
Day 4 came and I felt a little bit better.
OH-I was so happy.
Then I woke up the next day.
It was Sunday morning. I had made it to Sunday!
Then-I sat up.
I was on another medicine for my headaches. It is one where you increase the dose slowly.
I had just increased it the night before.
Well-I was allergic to it.
I broke out in hives, throwing up and the other end.
I couldn't keep anything down, no matter how hard I tried.
To make it worse-the meds had also caused me to have restless legs.
I had restless legs for 21 hours straight.
I finally told my husband that we had to do something. I was so sick and dehydrated, I looked gray.
We went to the Dr. and I got some IV fluids.
It really is amazing what a bag of water will do for you.
They changed my meds.
Turns out-my body wasn't making enough seratonin. The lack of this was causing the headaches. I needed to make more so my body would work the way it was supposed to. I know take one pill that helps me sleep. Sleep deep enough that my body gets to a stage 4 sleep-this is when your body makes seratonin. It's working.

So-basically I was addicted to pain meds, had to detox, go through withdrawl and be allergic to the other medicine.
I was so frustrated with the whole system & that no Dr. would work together.
I am happy to say that I lived through it-and am much better because of it.

Why did I post about this?
Why would I tell other people that I was a drug addict.
Don't I know that people read this? All kinds of people.
That is why I wrote this.
I am hoping that I can help someone else.

You can judge me if you want.
I will tell you all-I was not addicted to drugs by choice.
I don't think that anyone tries to get addicted.
It just happens.
I was addicted and had a Dr. who gave them to me.
That doesn't make it any easier.
Sure wish that it did.
I learned that if you are not pro-active in your own health care-no one will be.
Be your own advocate.
DON'T take it, and leave.
Be strong, tough and aggresive.

So-what now?
What is happening now?
I am AWESOME!
I wake up every day and am so grateful for the day.
I am pain free.
My headaches are gone.
I take all my vitamins and am thrilled to be able to.
I am even losing weight.
But when I look in the mirror-I see me-HEALTHY.
My husband is thrilled, my kids are overjoyed and my sister is thrilled that she has her sister back.

So-judge me if you want. I don't care.
I am happy with who I am and am grateful for the the trial that I have gone through.
I sincerely hope that my experiences will help someone else.
Life is hard. It is really hard when you have to do it all alone.
I am grateful to know that I don't have to do anything alone.
My Savior carried me through this, and I know that He will never leave me alone.

God doesn't always calm the storm, sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms his child.