Saturday, June 28, 2008

48 HouRs oF HeLl!

Ok Ladies-
I have had a really rough past couple of days.
I am using my blog as a place to write and hopefully by the words I write they can be used as a coping mechanism.

I looked up the definition of MENTAL BREAKDOWN and this is what is said;
Mental breakdown (also known as nervous breakdown or snapping) is a non-medical term used to describe a sudden, acute attack of mental illness such as depression or anxiety.

All of this lovelyness was all triggered by a panic attack that was triggered by a really bad, painful day.
I don't know if any of you have ever had a panic attack, but oh my heck, I have never been so scared in my life. If my hubby wouldn't have been here, I am pretty sure that I would have passed out.
My pain has been off the charts lately! Holy Crap I don't know what the heck is wrong with me!
All I have done is cry, hyperventilate and pray!
I am really hoping that all of this happening to teach me something, to show me something, to allow to me see something in a different way.
Whatever the reason may be, I am hoping and praying that is over soon!
If you are all in the dark about my whole pain thing-go here and you will know what the sam heck I am talking about.

I am sure some of you are thinking-why are you blogging?
I am doing this for some normalcy.
My life has been so unnormal for the past 2 days, I need something to keep me from thinking that I am not losing my mind!

I am sure that there are people out there who deal with this all the time.
Oh, how my heart aches for you.
I am freaking out with all that is happening to me, and I can only imagine if it happened all the time!
I know that this is a really downer of a post-I don't usually do this-but I needed somewhere to go where no one would judge me, question me, call me a freak, but accept me and maybe, just maybe help me.
I love my blog, better yet, I love my friends that I have gained because of it. You are all so great and reassuring. I am blessed because of you. I know that there are many of you, that I have never seen and probably will never meet face to face, but I like to think that one day, I will meet you-even if it's in Heaven. Then I can tell you thanks and give you a hug!
Sorry to be so sappy-you know-just one of those days. I appreciate you all listening, or in this case, reading. You all get gold, no pink stars in my book!


Amie said...

WOW! Annie said something about that, but I didn't know it was that bad. I'll pray for you to be better. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.

Rachel said...

I'm sorry it's been so crappy for ya lately I hope that you get feeling better soon. Do you want me to send you some chocolate and soda? :) Better yet come and scrapbook with us.


Lybbert's said...


Not to sound sappy... but tomorrow is a NEW day. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I wish there was something I could do for you... especially with all the pain! Stupid pain!

Love you!

Rae said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you, sweet girl!! I wish I could come and watch your chick-a-dee's and clean your house! :)

tinabean1988 said...

I'm sorry that your not feeling well & your in pain it sucks.
I can't imagine your pain at all.
All I can say is I'll keep you in my thoughts & prayers.
I do know the pain of anxiety attacks though I get them sometimes a lot.
When Steve was in the hospital a lot for his cancer I had a ton of them, in fact I think on an average day I would have somewhere between 10 and 50.
It was one right after another sometimes.
I'm glad your hubby was there to take care of you.
If you need anything please let me know.
Take care & rest if you can.

Lola said...

Tausha! That is awful!
I can't relate to the pain issue, but I can to the thyroid, anxiety, depression, panic attack one.
When my Thyroid is outta' whack my anxiety skyrockets! I take meds for both, and it helps me feel normal. Email me if you need to talk!

Bonnie the Boss said...

Why the hell didn't you call me? You are now on my list!
I will be checking on you in the morning.

Chelsie said...

I love you Taush! I hope that things are a little better today. We're prayin for you and love you lots

Sherri said...

I am sending you hugs!!! I have had panic attacks and I know what you mean. I seriously thought I was having a heart attack!! Get feeling better soon!!!

Bridget said...

I'm so sorry Tausha! I've never had to experience those things so I don't fully understand what you are going through but my thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope it all gets ironed out so you don't have to be in pain anymore!

Tausha said...

Seriously-I new that you would give me some hope! I new that you would care about some stranger and worry about me too boot!!
I love you all! Thanks so much! The prayers are already helping!!!

Debra said...

Oh I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I have dealt with anxiety, depression and panic attacks since the birth of my 1st child. (9 yrs ago). It SUCKS. I still don't know why the Lord gave me this trial. Maybe for us to have empathy for others? So our trials will help others who go through what we've gone through? Or it could just be because we are in a mortal world. My twins pregnancy sent me OVER the edge (after Dr's told me NOT to have anymore kids). And for a while, I was angry at God for sending them.

I promise Prayer works. Keep doing it. Get meds if you need it. BEING MORE RIGHTEOUS DOES NOT HELP! I have had so many people tell me if I was just more righteous! UGH.

Feel better sweetie!

Debra said...

oh I tagged you!

Cindy ~ My Romantic Home said...

Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving such nice comments! I'm so sad to hear about your pain. I've had a couple panic attacks so I now how scary that is!

Here's my two cents...I think you should continue to go to other doctors until they find out what is really wrong! I've had a couple friends with illnesses go undiagnosed by quite a few doctors until they found one that knew what was going on. There has to be something that's causing the pain you are in!!! One of my friends searched the internet to find out what was wrong with her and she went to her doctor with the information and sure enough...she was right!!!

I don't know if you have tried this but my mom went to pain management classes that helped a bit.

I hope you feel better soon!

Nicole said...

Tausha - my heart broke when I read your post. You said it so perfectly when you said 48 hours of hell. I went through anxiety, depression and panic attacks after my second baby was born. Honestly, I really thought I was loosing my mind, it was so awful.
Sometimes I think if we didn't live in a day with such wonderful medicine and doctors (usually) I would be in an insane asylum, it was so awful. My husband doesn't get why I like blogging so much. Honestly, it's been almost therapuetic (sp?) for me. For the first summer since I can remember, I haven't dealt with severe anxiety. I wish so bad there was something I could do for you. Just know that your in my thoughts and prayers.

Crazycozartclan said...

Hang in there! I'd say something sappy but you know me....Not something I'm very good at. How about some ice cream... monster spicy fries at 12:01 monday morning and um.... diet coke. Oh yeah some girl music turned up really loud! Call me if this sounds too fun to pass up. :)

Shannon said...

I am so sorry for your pain. I cannot imagine trying to do all that I do in a day and have body-wracking pain. I will be praying for your quick recovery. I am glad that you come here to talk about your struggle and seek support. Huge hugs comin' your way!

Thanks for saying hi. I would be honored to be added to your blogroll. I'll see you soon!

Gramma 2 Many said...

Taush, I am going with the advise of Cindy. Go to another DR. You should not accept what they are telling you if you are seeing no improvement. Like Cindy said in her post about her friend, my sister was able to diagnose her problem via internet and took it to the Dr. to confirm. She has a disorder called NASH. I am not sur what it stands for, but she was getting nowhere with Dr's. Now is feeling much better, because she figured it out.
You will be in our prayers also. Take care.

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

#1 - Hug
#2 - Prayers

Kristi said...

Hey Tausha,

Thanks for your comment and sorry you missed the contest. I actually just decided to join SITS today, so you must have ESP!!

As for the panic attacks, have you seen a doctor? I had those several years ago and the doctor diagnosed me with mitral valve prolapse. I cut out caffeine and it is much better. He also gave me medication. Recently I talked to my current doctor about similar but smaller little panics I get and she prescribed the same medication. It worked wonders. Now I'm off of it and feel I need it sometimes!!!

Annie said...

Hey Tausha...=)

Ive been thinking about you, and I do mention you in my prayers at night---Hope you feel better! Thank you for shareing your true feelings....its so inspiring that we all can be OPEN and ourselves on here and we all still love each other.... =) I should come up and WE all should go swimming with my sister Amie---I think you guys are really close.....K? Lets plan it this summer!
Hang in there!!!!

Melissa said...

I'm so sorry you're struggling! I haven't been present in blog-land lately... I hope that you will find something to help you feel better :S

Lori said...

Sorry to hear about all of this - are you feeling any better? Hang in there, you might see me on Sunday!

Nicole said...

Tausha - Hope your a little better today. I forgot to tell you, you should totally join the scrapbook club I go to. I have a feeling when you find out where it is you might reconsider though. It's in Draper - but just once a month. Still interested? My friend that goes with me starts school this fall at WSU so I was just going to quit, but if your interested I might just keep going :) No presure :)

twinkle twinkle baby, twinkle twinkle said...

Im so sorry to hear that your going through all of that. Just so you know, your not alone. I deal with depression. When i was 16 i slowly started getting depressed and so i went to my family doctor and he put me on a med. i cannot tell you what a blessing it was. I dont know if i would still be here today without it. Part of my depression comes with anxiety and nervousness. About two year ago they switched my med and i had amelt down. I thougt it would never get better. Hang in there because it does!!!